This was MyWeekThroughArt. How was yours?

Introducing:

'My journey' is a series (IN PROGRESS) about how I got rid of depression. It's about going through all the feelings I had locked inside me. 2011 was a very difficult year for me, and at some points I wasn't sure if I would make it, because the unexplainable fear was overwhelming. But I did. Thanks to this strong feeling of HOPE behind all the pain and a faith in my heart that I will get through this.

I would like to dedicate these paintings to all of those people who suffer or have suffered of depression or/and anxiety. These paintings are about depression and anxiety but most of all, they're about SURVIVING and being free. Yes, I still suffer of anxiety occasionally but I'm not depressed anymore. And that is a huge win! Now I'm on my way to get rid of anxiety. These words are for you who are depressed - ALL IS POSSIBLE. You have more inner strength in you than you can ever imagine. Trust yourself. You will find the light and happiness.

<3


[link] to my gallery about depression and surviving, and 'My journey'-series

tangerines
accepting who you are
three birds from fairytale
winter indoor lights
P.G. Wodehouse - Very Good, Jeeves
chooocoolaateee...
watercolours, watercolours all the way, night and day!
Lounatuulen laulu, oh nostalgy!
dancing in the shower
LP's, Sinfonias & Waldo de los Ríos
new sketchbook

Enjoy the little things in life, especially if you're feeling blue.

"We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?"
"The brave man is not the one who has no fears, he is the one who triumphs over his fears."
~ Nelson Mandela

And some random but not random things (huh?):

salvation
orange butterfly
teardrops
fedora hat
jalapeños
The Swan of Tuonela
joy
friendship
a life in paintings

BE YOURSELF

spring? I need your light!
turquoise pillow
almost panique
...SHAME
angelic white peacock
rainbow socks
butterfly on his nose
NATURE
rosen-therapy
light green, colour of HOPE and new beginning
a dream about love
gerbera
year of change is almost full
DRUMS!!!
I want to travel the world
future
so this is happiness, finally

I'll help you
You won't be alone

courage to show your WEAKNESS
Alice in Wonderland
"...mad as a hatter..."
HAPPINESS
The Lion King (with finnish superb dubs! Way to go, Jukka-Pekka Palo as Scar!)
NOSTALGIA
deep concern of some one close
sadness
safe feathers
an Ethiopian friend
inspiring PURPLE
burning desire to help others
BIRTHDAYS
22 years old and feeling much older
sometimes like a child
candle light
passionate about life
need for LOVE
scared
growing wings

almost free

What did YOU notice today?  Did you see all the colours (even the grey ones)? Did you enjoy your food? Felt the taste in your mouth? Did you notice how good it feels to paint with your fingers?

Or did you laugh to YOURSELF for messing things up or being clumsy?

I have never laughed so hard to myself than some days ago when I was acting some what clumsy and messing things up at the work. It felt so freaking good... laughing. And I was ALONE so there wasn't even anyone to laugh with. I found the whole situation so bloody hilarious. I don't know why... but the point isn't what I did (actually it wasn't THAT fun), it was that laugh which brought tears in my eyes and made my stomach hurt. I have never laughed so "purely" hard to MYSELF. Fucking great.

So, laugh to yourself.

November lights
deep RED
knowledge
strong roots
VOLCANO, expressing yourself
love for someone you don't know
my faithful plant
beautiful bright BLUE
dreamcatcher, no more too much fear
I never met you but I love you, grandpa Uuno
22
60 years old and peace of mind
no more creatures with eyes
dance, DANCE
skulls with bright eyes
veins
hot blood
wings
LET GO

I was kind of lost with acrylic and oil colours, feeling I just don't know how to paint, how to express myself with them. Wandering without knowing what to do. Only watercolours seemed to work. However, I felt watercolours are just way too "fragile" or pale to represent things I want to paint - sudden great change after years of depression, fears and sorrow. The gate of change. Big storm, crazy and scary as hell but refreshing. Trust - I will survive. Totally new beautiful colours and a thought "I have a future". Feeling something heavy is now behind, without carrying it anymore and knowledge: I don't have to look back.

Now, I think I have found again ablility to paint with acrylics, with stronger colours. I've made now two paintings at least which represent these things I want to tell. I'm surprised that I'm this satisfied to them. So, there're acrylic paintings coming and they are devoted, not only to me, but to all of you guys who had ever felt depressed, sad or felt that you can't take it anymore. Trust yourself. The change is inside you. You'll feel happiness again. YOU WILL SURVIVE.

Sisältäni portin löysin
melkein huomaamattoman.
Kun sen läpi hiljaa nousen,
näen toisin maailman.

Värit kauniit vasta huomaan,
kuulen äänet kirkkaammat.
Jätän soinnuttomat luolat,
jätän varjot hoippuvat.

Jokin säteilee ja loistaa,
alta kuoren synkänkin.
Kun sen huomaa, kevyemmin
ajatukset liikkuvat.

Meidän värit ylös virtaa
ja yhteen sulautuu.
Kaikki toistaan koskettaa,
kaikki aamuun kurkottuu.


---


This song (Sisältäni Portin Löysin) belongs to Pekka Streng

There's a huge gate, decorated with beautiful lights but also with barbed wire. The gate looks inviting and painful. Standing between two worlds, emptiness, sweet familiar darkness, those bloody bastards - creatures with eyes - behind and something warm shining in front, childlike happiness, pure joy. It is hard to leave. But that pure light is even sweeter than familiar darkness behind. So just one step remaining - and you're there.

I've been trying to "clean up" my deviantpages. There were so many bland drawings (in my opinion). I feel like I'm about to find the way how to express my feelings with paintings, I mean TRULY express. I'm ALMOST there and still so far away. I have these million things and thoughts in my mind. Of course doing paintings have always been like a lifeline for me but still I feel like those really, really  deep emotions I've been carrying with me, hard times and sad days, HOPE, are waiting for coming out as a impressive painting(s) (I wish!). And first of all - impressive FOR ME. I'm not trying to flatter anyone. I want to look at my painting and say: "Yes, these are MY feelings, telling about my life." I have a few these kind of works so far but I hope there's many more coming!

I think some of those coming paintings will be my late cry of help. I've been pretty alone with my nightmares and hurricane-like feelings. But after all these things of past are great source of INSPIRATION.  What a story to tell. The story how to survive.